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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sort Metallisk Er Det Lort

From the wise council: "Despite the name, black metal is not heavy metal music made by niggers. Black metal is actually an offshoot of heavy metal that was developed at least 100 years ago in Norway by Satanist faggoths who decided that death metal wasn't gay enough. The guttural vocals of death metal were stretched to a higher pitch so that, instead of sounding like a man choking on semen, they sounded like the Wicked Witch of the West choking on semen, occasionally complemented by weak, half-assed monk chants. Typical trailer-trash metal clothes were thrown out in favor of bondage gear, black leather, spikes, and exaggerated goth facepaint that black metallers say is uniquely black metal but was actually pioneered by KISS 30 years ago. These articles are usually purchased at Hot Topic, although black metal musicians will never admit it. The irritating, grungy sound of death metal was obliterated, reduced to an equally irritating, thin screeching of tremolo picked guitars, no bass whatsoever, and helicopter drumming. Black metal lyrics have a diversity of topics from Satan to nature to Vikings to winter to Vikings in winter to Satanic nature to Satanic Vikings in winter to Satanic Vikings admiring nature in winter. Although not very popular during the genre's heyday due to the emphasis on "kvlt" (avoiding commercial success by any means possible, often by making your music suck really, really hard), it has recently become immensely popular among 13-year-old boys on the internets. "


Like it says in the title, Black Metal Is The Shit!

Well, being a Deathcore / Metalcore supporter I don't really get along with hardout Black Metalist's, well... most of the time it's because they are abusing me for listening to Suicide Silence or Carnifex because they are pussy scene deathcore, or i'm going on youtube and laughing at how lame the Norwegian black metal clips are... I mean take a look at this you will probably die of laughter and btw these are serious black metal music video's.



Why Black Metalist's are more hardcore than Metalcore / Hard Rock, etc. supporters.


They play guitar in knee deep water, now that is a great way to suicide.


They wear scary clothes and have freaky face paint.


Black metalists are given the wrong impression, they are all nice people and you are just jealous...
Black Metalists are posess many powers, they are magicians:
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How to become a black metalist:

* Find friends who have long hair. If you can't,Get a trash can for the drums and $50 amp from the pawnshop and shitty electric guitar and use a Karaoke microphone.

* Form a "band", be sure to include a Christianity reference in your name.If not use this Band Name Generator

* Gangrape some nuns.

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